yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
