Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
