i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
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I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
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You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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