Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
