Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Drunk is not a location!
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
