You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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