This is not my ceiling
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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