oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
This is the high leading the old right now
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
