I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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