i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
