omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
