Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize