Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
