I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
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