Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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