I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
