porn star boner night. come get it.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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