Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
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told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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