The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
