so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I have fence marks all over my body
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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