She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
