I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
