Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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