Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
