WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
