I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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