i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My bed smells like the plague
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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