He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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