Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize