why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
