Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
