her vagine was all disorganized.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Someone came in the potted fern
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
