Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
