Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
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i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
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I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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