I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
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