96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
