I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
