Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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