If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
