I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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