Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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