I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
