my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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