You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
