he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Damn victory sex feels great
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
