i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I wear drunk well.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
