and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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