So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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