I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
