ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
