I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
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I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
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Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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