I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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