Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
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