I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
