you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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