i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
