sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
