have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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