Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
