Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
even my farts smell like vagina
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
We are all done wearing pants today
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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