He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
